26th October 1999….how well I remember that day…it was an hour or two after noon when my father returned unusually from his work in a very sorry state indeed, crying all over himself. I was bewildered because I had never seen my father lose control of himself like that before. He was sobbing incoherently and in dreadful blast of realization, waves of truth came crashing down on me like a tsunami, engulfing me, drowning me. The reason became all too clear …Just hours before, my grandfather had been rushed to the Liaquat National Hospital when he had complained of a severe throbbing in his heart. There was instant commotion in the house. Everybody was praying albeit my grandmother, who just sat there, too dumbstruck to say anything…but my uncle who had gone to the hospital along with my grandfather, phoned to tell that the pain wasn’t a big deal and all was ok….i had come to peace at heart.
Yet the agonizing reality couldn’t be denied; my grandfather; my beloved, caring, sympathisizing, nurturing, kind, bespectacled grandfather was gone for well, never to return. I remember feeling lonely and out casted, as if a huge part of me had been chucked off. Some parts of me kept hoping that he would spring back up and tell me that it was all a big joke but yet my mind told me otherwise. He had gone on to where none of the sufferings of this world would hurt him. Time wore on and yet not a day passed when my thoughts didn’t dwell on him. I used to be his favourite grand kid and still am; of my grandmother.
My maternal grandfather had died when I was only 1.5 years old and so I remember very little of him. He lived in India as my grandmother did too, until 4 days ago, when she too, crossed the threshold. The news fell like a bombshell on my mother in particular who had just returned from India in July after having had visited and cared for my depreciating nani. Her health had been worsening for quite some time now and every one of us had growing concerns about it. Thankfully my mamu got married 2 months earlier, bringing gallons of joys for her, for she was always talking of not being there when her son would tie the knot.
My family goes there every alternative year but due to some reasons I haven’t been a part of that trip on the last two occasions. My nani in particular used to scold me off over the telephone by saying that I had lost all my love for her and others and that I didn’t care for them. She made me ashamed every time I talked to her yet I couldn’t do anything about it….and now she has passed on too…leaving me all miserable and disturbed for I feel guilt in my heart that can’t be described even in thousand words…I wanted to tell her that I still loved her and adored her just the way I used to when I was a kid and that every bit of me longed to be there, to be at her bedside, cherishing the togetherness but alas it was not to be.
Those of you out there who still have got their grandparents…please do spend some time of your day with them cause a man only truly appreciates the worth of something when it is finally out of his reach.
No comments:
Post a Comment